Heavy
by NeverLookBack756
Summary: Natsume's reaction to Mikan leaving the Academy. Spoilers for Chapter 176ish-178


His eyes were heavy when they woke up and he almost felt like they were pulling him back into sleep. It was like there was a voice in his head that knew something he didn't. The voice willed his eyes back shut and told him to never wake up again. He wouldn't want to be awake anymore. But regardless, he sat up and found himself in a hospital room. There were some week old flowers next to his bed along with a regular clipboard. He grabbed it in his hands and looked at it.

**Natsume Hyuuga **

**27 November 1996**

**Revived: 23 May 2013**

**Expired for approximately 3 hours and 34 minutes**

_Three hours and thirty four minutes?_ His eyes couldn't leave that one statement. Sure he had heard of people dying and being brought back, but the longest was always twenty minutes at the most. But that's when it hit him. He had died. He had broken a promise to someone he thought he would never hurt. He sat up quickly, ignoring the throbbing pain in his mind fighting him. He looked around, and the room was empty other than a blonde boy laying with his head at the foot of the bed a few feet away from Natsume's toes. Natsume leaned over, touched the blonde boy's arm, and whispered, "Ruka_". _The boy sat up from his sleep and looked right at Natsume.

"You're awake! Natsume!" Ruka couldn't come up with the right words and instead embraced Natsume. Natsume tried to hug back but an arm was stuck to an IV and it fell back to his side. When Ruka sat back, he looked at Natsume.

"You were asleep for a month, Natsume." Natsume's eyes widened, but he wasn't as surprised as he felt he should've been. The majority of him thought he wasn't going to wake up at all. "And a lot happens in a month."

"What is it?" He braced himself. Ruka took a small baggy from his pocket and placed it in Natsume's hands. Inside the bag was a cherry blossom petal.

"She left it for you. She took the rest of everything with her." And that is when Natsume's heart stopped. Does that mean that Mikan was-

"She lost her Alice trying to save you, so they sent her home." And he missed it. Did she say goodnight. Did she sit next to his bedside, hold his hand and talk to him before she left? Did she kiss his sleepy lips before saying goodbye for one last time?

"There's more," Ruka continued. "Upon Sakura leaving Alice Academy they..." There was something else? Wasn't kicking her out of the school she helped save enough?

"They..? Spit it out."

"Erased her memory."

_Tick Tock Tick Tock. _Natsume breathed along with the clock on the wall. In, out. Natsume couldn't think, he tried to but he found himself incapable. "They erased her of literally everything about this school. Of her friends, her teachers, Hotaru, me..." Ruka paused.

"Don't say it."

"And you." Natsume buried his face in his hands. Ruka couldn't stop his eyes from filling with tears, because there was something about the way Natsume sat in his hospital bed, that made him look extremely lonely. Natsume's entire world had just been taken away from him. Everything he ever loved, hoped for, protected, yearned for, was torn from him. All the feelings that he had for nothing else except for her were mixing. His sadness and his love for her were twisting together in an uncomfortable way that made Natsume's throat close in. A nurse noticed the boys sitting together and insisted on getting the doctor, but by the look on their faces, she decided the morning would be better.

"She's really gone, huh?" Natsume struggled to say through his teeth and anger.

"Not forever though, just for a little while." Natsume wondered what he could tell himself to help calm down. And so he thought of her. He thought of the way she laughed and how her grin would sweep across her cheeks whenever he looked her way. He remembered the way she made him feel on the inside. Like life was worth living for once. She was the thing he would fight eternity for. He thought of her confidence, persistence, and determination. The redness to her cheeks whenever he would kiss her. The softness of her lips against his.

_She doesn't remember you._ Stop.

_Nothing you do can change that. _There's always something.

_There's a chance you'll be alone forever, and she'll move on._ That was when Natsume took a deep breath and allowed himself to cry.

"Nat-su-me" Natsume knew it was in his head, but damn, it sounded real. "What are you doing moping and moaning? Silly fox. This won't be forever. Remember what we said? The moon was our witness, Natsume. Chin up, I never forgot you."

He knew it was fake and it was only what he wanted to hear, but it made him feel good enough to go back to sleep. The next morning when he woke up, his friends were there. They didn't dare speak of Mikan, and he didn't ask. His friends would help, but it would be a long four years before he saw her again.

And when he did. Oh boy, when he did. She was running through the sand at the beach and dancing in the sun. She was taller, bustier, and her hair was down. He had the overcoming urge run up to her and kiss her. Instead he just stood and watched.

When she found herself stumbling into him, he grabbed her hand. She turned around and at first she was surprised. Confused actually. But then something in her clicked, and her eyes filled with tears and she ran her fingers over his face.

"Natsume."

Every emotion he had been holding back for years exploded, and he kissed her. He kissed her the way he couldn't when they were twelve. His eyes didn't feel so heavy anymore and the voice telling him to sleep was gone. With this girl with him, he'd always stay awake.


End file.
